Your family wasn't dysfunctional until you arrived.
You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about.
If stupidity hurt, you'd go through life on a morphine drip.
If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence.
Sit down and give your mind a rest.
You're at least one Brady short of a Bunch.
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I love what you've done with your hair. How did you get it to come out of one nostril like that?
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.
You are so dumb, you play solitaire...for cash.
Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental
I hear you are being accepted into an exclusive club because they need someone to snub.
You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move?
If my dog had your face, I would shave his ass and make him walk backwards.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
I hear the only place You are ever invited is outside.
You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.
You're so dense, light bends around you.
When you get to the men`s room, you will see a sign that says, "Gentlemen." Pay no heed to it. Go right on in.
A mud pack is good for the complexion. I suggest you leave it on.
The twinkle in your eyes is actually the sun shining between your ears.
When they made you, they broke the mold---and beat the mold maker.
Your family tree is nothing but a rest stop for dogs.
You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing.
I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals.
You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?
They say Will Rogers never met a man he didn't like, obviously he never met you.
I may be fat but you are ugly, and I can lose weight.
Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.
You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.
You're a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
You are so ugly she could scare the chrome off a bumper!
You must have a very large brain, to hold so much ignorance.
I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
You may be a beauiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside!
You're ski lift doesn't go to the top of the hill.
Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.
You think Cheerios are doughnut seeds.
I know you are nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.
I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I haven't had it yet.
All day I thought of you...I was at the zoo.
How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit?
I fart to make you smell better.
You have a Teflon brain - nothing sticks.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
You are the reason God created the middle finger.
I wish your charm could be bottled--then a cork could be put in it.
I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.
Don't you have a terribly empty feeling --- in your skull?
Some day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
You call people to ask them for their phone number.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
Your head whistles in a cross wind.
I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high.
I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
You're so dumb, blondes tell jokes about you.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.
I researched your entire family tree and it seems you were the sap.
Your face could turn Medusa to stone.
Was it hard learning to be so ugly or were you a quick study?
Don't go to a mind reader; go to a palm reader; I know you've got a palm.
You're a legend in your own mind.
Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.
I feel sorry for you because you are so homely, but I feel even sorrier for other people because they have to look at you.
You thinks Taco Bell is where you pay for your phone calls to Mexico.
Moonlight becomes you -- total darkness even more.
What are you going to do for a face when the babboon wants his ass back?
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earth's temperature by 3 degrees.
The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
To make you laugh on Saturday, I need to you joke on Wednesday.
You have signs on both ears saying "Space for Rent".
You are so old, you fart dust.
You're a person of rare intelligence. It's rare when you show any.
Your face can shrivel a man like a 3 hour bath.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
You weren't fully debugged before being released.
I heard you went to a freak show and got in FREE!
You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport
You are so dumb, you think that martial arts are paintings by the sheriff.
You have Diarrhea of the mouth; constipation of the ideas.
Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?
You conserve toilet paper by using both sides.
You are living proof that God has a sense of humor.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
You're so dumb, your dog teaches you tricks.
One more wrinkle and you'd pass for a prune.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.
I'll hit you so hard by the time you come down, you'll need a passport and plane ticket back
There's two things I really hate about you: your face!
I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!
You look like you just escaped from planet of the apes.
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
Someone said that you are not fit to sleep with pigs. I stuck up for the pigs.
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission.
I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
We all spring from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone.
I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, you just gargled.
You're so boring, your dreams have Muzak.
I'd like to break the monotony; where's your weakest point?
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits, as I will not take advantage of the handicapped.
You're a dim bulb in the marquee of life.
Are your parents siblings?
You prefer three left turns to one right turn.
Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
You remind me of the ocean -- you make me sick.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
When you haul ass, she has to make two trips.
Your origins are so low, you'd have to limbo under your family tree.
You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
You have the face of a saint. Saint Bernard, that is.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
Your family tree is a tumbleweed.
I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put it!
You inspired the slogan, "A mind is a terrible thing to waste."
You tell people you live just up the street from the corner of Walk and Don't Walk.
Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
If brains were dynamite, you would not have enough to blow your nose.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
You have such a striking face. Tell me, how many times were you struck?
When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?
Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I'll never forget the first time we met --- although I'll keep trying.
The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a fish!
I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.
Your house is so nasty, I tripped over a rat, and a cockroach stole my wallet.
You are so dumb, you planted a dogwood tree and expected a litter of puppies.
Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.
When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure.
I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.
You're a few planets short of a Federation
I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.
In the battle of wits, you fight unarmed.
You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.